MY HAPPY HOME.



Rahila Khanum
Ministry of Agriculture



After my wake up I see everything is completed but how ? I said to Schwan why you to taken such risk ? If break up my sleep, only for this he could not that, Now seems to me thats my son, he is so great as like as Bayejid B. who once sitting beside her mother with a glass of water of our history.

This is my son Schwan Ahmed. Once he had a lot of drems but we could not fulfilled. From his childhood when I stayed at Jattrabari, when he got any oportunity he had gone the filed of Cricket. He like so much the play of Cricket. He always wanted to be a cricketor. But I could not for him. He completed his study that means SSC and HSC of Dhanmondh Boys school and Bangladesh Rifel Public school and college.

When I was in Cmch, Vellore of India. Then he was attending his HSC exam. and at that time his father had expired to that moment when runing the conversation he and his father. At that time to more destroyed his life hope. Then all of his class mate had gone for their higher studies. But he could not go to any distance  place to  leave us only. Even did not go Jogonnath college also. At last he admitted Dhaka college with Management. His serial was may be 400 something. Then my Sir was Faruque Hosain was deputy controler of national university, just at that time transfered to my desk may be. Schwan so much requested to me that to read only study Accounting. But I could not for his at that day. After that a lot of students automatic transfered from management to Accounting. Thats reality. Rafsan was so small at that time, so he  regular performed to take and bring from his school only.He sometimes missed his class and come back only Rafsan. Thats was his lifestyle.

Schwan Ahmed
my elder son.

I have seen a lot of students admitted North South universtiy, East west university and others. But I could not only financial problems. At that day everyone betrayed to us. No body did not come beside me at that miserable period. Even tried to damage our life at that time. Althought a lot of time has passed of this national university. Only for not my son, a lot of children also. thats our reality.

Althought I could not properly educated to him. But I am always proud that my son is a real educated person. As like as me he dont like politics. He believe that always politicians are not real. But he understand our indispensable reality more than me. He loved me so much. I love him also.

Althought after my operationa and in my struggle life 2004-till now, I could not to cook of normal food items for two my sons that always to doing comon mother. My life style was uncommon. I cooked always balanced food for them only. Every morning I cooked a four letter cooker full of balanced food-such as-rich, dal, various kind of vegetables. Thats had  took of whole day of my two sons. No maid servent of us. We have done everything ourselves. I was service holder, cooker, teacher of my younger son, maid servant, always sitting in the bazar and cut of fish. How to do passing my that miseable days I dont know, never not trying think. A lot of challenge was in my life. Always was a lot of stress but I could not surrender with unfair. When anyone come in front of me then I tried my best.

Rafsan Ahmed my younger son
and my daughter
(nephew) Nigar Sultana Tumpa.

Now I mean I am a succeed of mother. Because I am a mother of Schwan and Rafsan. Today I am in here only to do a lot of challege every moment that I faced to continue.

I dont know my expired date of death. After that I always hope Schwan will getting a good job and will maintain to Rafsan. Then I will no distress. Only to waiting that days only. (cont.)

ALMIGHTY ALLAH, the HOLY QURAN, Prayer and our covered.

I am Krishan konna always I believe that Allah is unique in his artributes and sustaining. While I am nothing but a small particle in a vast kingdom that Allah controls. Allah is not only God of Muslim, He is all human beings. The Holy Quran is the best guider of Islam. In there Allah indicated the everything that come in front of us. Fundamentalist is that person who knows everything of the Holy Quran. Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) was the great humanitarian of the world and most fundamentalist. Our Quran always tells of true, fair and humanity most. I born and brought up of a respectable Muslim family. So always I have read the Holy Quran regular but I did not meaning of the Quran. Just now I studied something about our Holy Quran. In there I known something that understand me fullly life and about the world.

Now I can differentiate good and bad. Now I am always fighting only for needy, poor, disable and helpless peoples of the world. After all I am fighting to against the inhumanity. I want to serve humankind. I know that everyone dont possess of that. Only possessing natural love feelings to serve human kind. I have read some Ayat of the Quran and to known that :

''Oh human I created to all of you only a pair of man and woman and then divided to others catagories -such as religion, color, language, environment, nation, country and others status, only introduced to each of others.'' (Shura Huzurat, Ayat 13). 

So now I understand our indispensable reality. I understand that now we are living as like as a big family in the Earth Planet. In here we are all brothers and sisters only. No compare anyone. We are all equall and after death will go same place. We are not in here parmanently.

''You are the best human only for human being you appeared the world. Always to encourage to do good works and discourage the unfair.'' (Shura Imran, Ayat-110).

But what we are doing now ? Always playing, not performing. To concentrate on humanity as believe it is the life purpose of every new born baby ' Integrity of essence' when you will start to  the feel pains of others, then your pain is finised. Love to humanity and carry out humanitarian work in a practical way then you will be surprised to feel and come to know, the Insallah Almighty Allah will be started to reach to you. Actually this world has become like this where peoples always feel reluctant and avoid such person who are always crying on their personal story. Thats our reality.

'If any Muslim to killing  any innocent  people, then he to killing the whole nation. If any human to save any peoplelife then he  save to  the whole nation'' (Shura Mydad, Ayat-32).

But how much obey this rules of Allah ? Continue we are to killing of the nation. I mean if we obey our religion of Islam, every moment a lot of peoples of course must be death of hangging. I dont know how much loved of Almighty Allah and His Quran. I recall once our sir's said to us, if we really obey the rules of establishment then 70% peoples standing up where they standing up. If you say thats rules so you tell wrong.'' We see thats our punishment in here, after that not abide by that. Whereas the rules of Almighty Allah has no seen only keeping at that Judgement day only,  so no applicable in here. Thats our reality. After that ''  kothaye Shorgo, kothaye Norok, ke bole ta bohu dur, Manusher majee Shorgo Norok, Manushe--shura shur (Where Heaven, where Hell, thats not so long distance, it is only staying in the Peoples of the World). I am not basically  humanist, only trying to serving humanity. From my life, I have seen a lot of  cruel person who distressed the human and destroyed their life only.  Always two power that I talking always. Just the true owner is Almighty Allah. We will be questioned at the day of judgement which power we used and for what purpose. Of course Allah will be answer to us for our independent thoughts.

I have seen in here a lot of peoples used the the religion of Islam only. Our Islam does not believe this short of terrisom of the name of Islam. Islam is the peace of religion. Islam always teach us true, fair and humanity .But this short of terrorism always destroy our orginal image of the Islam.  

'' Come on thats world which same of you and me.''    (Shura Imran-Ayat-64).

From this shura I have known that Allah, God, Isshore, Bhogoban are same person thats means Almighty Allah is only one who controls this vast kingdom. In here we are all brothers and sisters only. Every Holy books and all the religion are talk to same word. that means ture, fair and humanity most. So now no questionable,  no disputable to that.

' They conspired and Allah adopted technique also. Allah is the best of technician. '' Shura Imran, Ayat-54.).

Actually Allah is Great ! He always staying to all of good person and helping them.

ALLAH said when the true is standing up over the false, then false is abolished. JESUS said that you are looking for the true, of course true realease you free from that. ''

So now I am standing up only true thats  made me strong only. I dont fear anyone without my Almighty ALLAH. I have seen every night He had come in my dream and directed what I will to do now. Now I am alone and alone. Only my Allah always loves me as like as my mother. Only for this I am going forwarding thats my strength only.

In here always I have seen a lot of good person lady and gentleman planning officers before. I recall research officer Monzur Morshed who was my first instructor of my pc. He is now abroad. Madam Shathi Dhor, Krishna Gayen, Monoara apa, Afroza Moazzem, Vokti majumder and others who was so nice and good person that I know. But now a days a lot of lady officer who wearing salowar Kamiz that means Pakistani national dress only. Thats to being  hurt of me. From my student life I dislike it. But no problem they wearing in their house thats their right. But our honorable Bangladesh Secretariat place they are wearing Pakistani national dress and dishonor our national dress thats so shameful ! On the other hand they perform their prayer and say with pridely- are you prayer ? are you prayer ? But why ? I mean that no right to tell me. Because I am matured. So understand and can differentiate good and bad only. I mean human being human is the best religion of the world. 'Manob shebae boro Dhormo ae prithibitey. I have seen a lot of prayer and to performed illegal activities or playing behind door. I hate them always.

Whole life I was reserved thats knows everyone of my school and college and others. But till now no open my face cover, no open my head cover, no open my black glass, only in here that means website I am naket now. Always I mean our Borka is not only our cover. Mind and soul are cover of everyone, it does not matter what is covered and hot not but only our mind that I know.

I want to all of them always wearing our national dress Sari and be ploite and humanitarian always. They love to us as like as brothers and sisters (shura Hurura, Ayat-13 accordingly). No compare of black and white. Not behave as like as Pakistan Army. who once absorbed me always. Just our establishment rules made by that CSP officer only. So now I mean should be  something change of course. (cont.)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  3

Thought of Krishan konnna only for to all of my friends of the World.

Everyday at night I woke up and dreamt something thats only wrote in my thoughts before.  From my childhood always I have distressd again and again forced disempowerment in my mind. In 2008 when I was so distressed when ex. Waliur Rahman sir was silent no answer my question, then always I was writing to our Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina a lot of letters , everyday in my thoughts, sometimes I have written that I dont live in this country, please send me out of country with my two orphan sons. At that night I had my dreamt to my father, my elder brother and my husband who had gone away  forever. All of them came and told me that ''you can not leave this country.  You responsible in this country, you responsible who help for your new life, you responsible Anjuman Mofidul , you responsible Ductch Bangla Bank, you responsible of your two sons. You can not hide thisway as like as selfish. Just that day in my thought thats right. Why I hide myself ? This country is my sacred land. Every bit of the soil has mixed of our swept. My roots spread to everywhere in all the country thats so strong. If I cut to them of course bleeding that I could not tolerated. So from that I cached my pen only for save me thats only for my two orphan sons. 

But now I see always a lot of face of my children, a lot of faces as like as me innocent  in here who are helpless always. Always they are so distressed and continue to do disempowerment of the power upon them. When I see anywhere to do disempowerment of the power, then I become excited and write on my webpage and then relaxed. Otherwise I so distressed in my mind thats harmful for my health only. (cont.)

Please dont disempowerment of the Power and be humanitarian.

Today  when my returning home from my office then occurred a misearble incident. As usual our govt. staff bus are standing up oposite the Bangladesh Secretariat. Just in front of the Osmani Sriti Milonayeton. In there regular sitting a lot of fruits seller only life purpose. As usual we was sitting of our seat. By this time a govt. employer a lot of  hits a apple seller. At that time someone out from the bus and joined his and a lot of hits to apple seller boy. My feelings was so bad.  I raised loud voice that you are disempowerment of the power. Why all of you beat him ? Then they realized that they was wrong.

But now in my thought always I am fighting this needy, poor, disable and helpless peoples. Everywhere I have seen a lot of this behaviour but I dislike it. When I drive Rickshaw then no bargain whereas I give them excess money always. But a lot of peoples always lost the needy peoples. I recall when I had gone others place with my father of my childhood. I had seen my father cross the river by Fery, not use boat. Because the boat expended so much money that Fery by Narail Fery Ghat. But in front of our village river always the boat of own and to rent of others. Or whole years money payment at a time. Thats our rules. Most of the needy peoples always maintain their lives only to eating our foods. My parents did not disempowerment of the power to the needy, poor, helpless peoples. I recall my husband sometimes said and compare the peoples that they are our maid servants generation, they never seated in front of us, always seated they under the floor. Thats means their activities as like as empirer. He sometimes said to me that you are a farmer's daughter what you know ? Then I was weeping. But now nothing in mind whereas I am proud being farmer's daughter that means Krishan konna. I love poor, needy, helpless and disable peoples.

I want that everyone understand our indispensable reality. We come and go as usual. Now we are living as like as a big family. In here all of us family members. They are human, they have rights as like as me living. In here. Allah created just thisway-rich and poor.Thats our reality. Allah said that ''you are the best human, I created to you only human beings.'' So always we understand our indispensable reality, one day we shall have to leave in this world to the darkness grave only empty hand. Allah gave me strong two hand only for human being and to serve human kind. To serve human kind no need to money. only always tendency and in good thought thats enought. Some loss or benifit not matter. As like as we thought in our  family, just as like as in my thought always of the world. thats only bring the peace and happiness only. Althought always in my thought of our colleague, After that we are better than that poor, needy peoples. So let us we will be humanitarian and to serve human kind and understand our indispensable reality. Our two strong hand as like as always used only to serve human kind only. (cont.)

Akber jete Dena Ma tore Chotto Sonar Gaye.

'Dutch Bangla Bank is my best friend'

Writer Krishan Konna Rahila

After August 4/2009 Nobonita has been thinking how to do she will go in front of them. But in order to big brother. Once she has written her prayer thinking and thinking and afternoon she goes to her big brother and then she is thinking same word. But she helpless in here. She of course to meet them but not thisway. After that to occurred some incident of  human life that only unexpected. Thisway to passed somedays.

As usual Nobonita is thinking to sitting in her car to coming office time that just today she will go to the Datchbangla Bank to meet Dr. Khan sir. After reached she completed her all routine works  and then called to Dr. Khan Sir by phone. From opposite site  to hear sir’s voice.

She said, ‘ how are you sir ? are you remember to me ?

Dr. Khan said, ‘ Yes. How are you ?

Nobonita said, ‘ good. But sir I want to meet you once.

Dr. Khan, ‘ Next week come on.’

Nobonita, ‘ Sir so urgent today only two or five minutes please.

Dr. khan,’ ok, after one 1 pm come on.

Nobonita, ‘ Thank you sir.

She kept her receiver. To day her sir is no office. She to talked her Joint secretary and come out of her office and took a rickshaw and straight had gone the Sena kollayon Bhaban of Motijheel. She had come by lift fifth floor. Just after four years Nobonita has come in here. She salam to sir and seated there. Dr. Khan sir was so busy in spite of he asked to her, now how are your health condition ? how your children ? have you gone again India for check up ?

Nobonita said,’ Sir I am fine. But mentally so distressd. Now I started writing only to share my distress.  I have written a lot of but no published. But big brother has not know what I am doing now.

Dr. Khan said, ‘ you say anything ?

Nobonita said, ‘ Sir thisway I come here never in my thought, I wrote to your kindness all of my writing. At that my miserable period you stood beside of us. I never forget your kindness. My big brother said to come in here, so come in. Then sir asked about my sons. She did not waste his time, so she standing up and to said Dr. Khan that sir now I am fighting, as like as past you was beside to us, just tomorrow you will  stay of us, only I hope to you, please pray to me, not any others.

She come out in the room and as usual to come down and took a rickshaw. Nobonita’s rickshaw is running in the middle of the commercial area of Motijeel. She is looking everything of her black glace. She is looking at the long sky and thinking the break and made  of human life. How to do break and how to do create nobody don’t knows that. As like as she could not forget  twenty years of her life. She is thinking only that no word today come thisway in here. Just this time flash back she is looking that ‘a evening Shumon and Manoshi was drinking tea , then Sumon said to her, ‘now you reached Shahi Mohol. You are now the choto Begum of Shahi Mohol.’ To day she could be living big apartment, big car and hot not. Shumon wanted to give  everything only without one thing. But she wanted only one thing, but he could not. In here happened the play true and false.

Suddenly come back orginal sense she is thinking again that next after two week big brother will come back from America and said to meet again. And in this time to search of others place. She is thinking why she will go to other place ? Why they responsible ?  who are responsible they are not help to me. But I can’t go to other place. That’s impossible for me. This is our society , our world. In here no values of integrity. This society only for them. Not for me. I can not go to others thisway. But in order of big brother.I can’t abide by his order. Now I am so tried and tried. Thisway once her tears rolling her eyes.

This time her rickshaw has reached the G.P.O. She straight to entered his office and to sitting her computer. She is thinking and thinking. Her life is full of mixure pains and joys. As have a lot of pains, on the other hand have a lot of joys happiness.

Nobonita thinking that big brother loves her, so he has done by her but She loves Dutch bangle  Bank, her so much miserable period Dutch Bangla Bank was standing up beside them. She recall when they gave one lac taka cheek and Dr. Khan (Dr. Mozzamel Hossain khan,consultant of DBB) said to her that our governance body decided  only for your best quality that how much struggling with two sons only being a woman. Yet you not go of others for helping that’s only your medical purpose only, please don’t lost this money, always remember it was not your before.

As usural by the word of Dr. Khan she kept that money to Bank by FDR. Every year last November she got above ten thousand taka only. That’s money expended only her younger son study purpose. By kindness of God no any expend for her medical purpose. From that day she did not any tension of her younger sons for admit every last year. She recall that her miserable period she went to her friends SB Internation school for admit her younger son. But he did not admitted, then a K.G school admitted him a lot of consideration. So now her son is studing for the help of  that K.G school and the help of Datch Bangla Bank. She always seems to this money is giving only Datch Bangla Bank to her. So she can not thought that ? But now after a long distressed she is standing up in front of this Dutch Bangla Bank again. Is she can’t say Dutch Bangla is my best friend ? To be any wrong ? Only some year distance again she is coming in here. Is this no wrong for her ?  Wrong-right she does not know only know that who are responsible they could not anything for her. Whereas how many time they to do for me ?

She recall again she said to Dr. Khan that sir now I am start fighting, I will want be succeed. If any causes I will die, then of course you will stay beside of my two sons. I have writing a lot of but no open my face cover because in front of me a lot of obstacles that not break up and not going outside. In this world so a little number of good peoples, but have some good peoples-only for that in this world is so nice now today also.

Nobonita has taught a word that good and bad never living altogether. Her integrity, sinceriety and morality  has taught her to walking high head only. Today her request to sir that as like as big brother has sent her to in here. But she request to sir that today no money, only pray for her that’s one day reached her last destination only.(cont.)